I may still be in the middle of a storm, but I have to risk coming out of the dark.
Today marks a day I once again attempt to get out of my own way. We will see how that little experiment goes... I realized recently that I had been putting work into things and then simply out of fear, and the distance of my own perceived validity, held it all back. Unwilling and in a way unable to take any risk that might bring a renewed faith in myself or push back the fear keeping me from my life. How familiar that all sounds.
It was hard not to feel like a hypocrite; I spend a huge chunk of my day, my time, my life, sharing the risks I took earlier in my story. Using any opportunity to illustrate the value those risks had for me and the amazing moments in life taking those risks brought to me. Lately however I hide behind them - behind the past. The path those moments of blind courage (possibly ignorance...) or well timed opportunity put me on. All of it a fading memory instead of an active intention. I had to do better, I have to do better.
In many ways it is always a risk to share, especially if the work you are sharing strikes too close to home. One risk in being vulnerable is that you expose yourself to as much judgement as you do support. And in that moment it is difficult to remember that with change some people, environments, connections may no longer continue along with you. Instead, making room for all the things and people who see this altered version of you as someone to include in their lives.
This time around it's all work I have no idea if or what it might lead to. But we all have to place faith and hope that it can as it has so many times in the past led to - something. Life is in the work, not the trophy given out for participating, and in todays world sharing who you are is connection in a way it never has been before.
Sharing any of this may well have costs, damage and ramifications. But, just living life the way I have been has those too...in spades. One thing for sure the path/chapter/story I am currently in needs a little boost, as many things in life do. I can't live the life I want alone, it is time to do more of the things that scare me the most.
So today I risk the exposure of some work in progress...me. Please visit, comment, follow, share, subscribe, engage, and hopefully enjoy some of this admittedly meandering work. I invite you to be a character in this new chapter of a story that is hopefully done being dormant and isolated. I encourage you to be a friend. The courage or interest on my part to do & create more will surely come out of these conversations/connections I hopefully start today.
And if any of this resonates, reminds or even makes any sense - I invite you to share & most of all to listen when someone else finds the courage to share. We spend so much time waiting for our turn to speak that we often miss the gentle change in the breeze of a conversation that might just open up, deepen or clarify a relationship or moment.
Love might just be knowing how to listen.
